A while ago I was walking in woods near to where I live, thinking about
the upcoming months. I got to November and my mind went immediately to the 12th
which would be a year since Ro, my best friend, died. While I was imagining
that day and how difficult and painful it might be, I had a very immediate and
deep moment of clarity in what has been a confusing year, and knew I wanted to
walk.
I realised that for me at this time one day wouldn't be enough, I needed
to walk with my grief for a longer period of time. I considered some well known
long distance routes, but wanted this walk to be meaningful to Ro and quite
soon came up with the idea of Brighton to Bradford, via London and Leeds which
are the 4 places he lived, and also makes for some nice alliteration!
I enjoy walking, moving forwards one step at a time, I've done some
longer walks/pilgrimages always with other people and for around a week. I like
how immersive it becomes - it's not always comfortable or easy but gives me
opportunities to gain new inner and outer perspectives. It can be physically
demanding, but in another way is relaxing - no need to think about where to go,
how to get there, what to pack, what to wear, and just be in nature and
hopefully be present with my thoughts and feelings.
My dad told me about Slow Ways (Slow Ways - help create a network of walking routes
connecting Great Britain - Home page) which is an ambitious
citizen-made peer-reviewed national walking network. A Slow Way is a route for walking, or wheeling, between
two places – neighbouring cities, towns and villages – using a wide variety of
existing paths, ways, trails and roads.
I love their vision and the opportunities and
possibilities it opens up, and was able to use their map to create my 'waylist'
a personalised route made up of shorter routes which can be downloaded as gps
maps. Each Slow Way needs to be positively reviewed 3 times before it can
become verified, and I'll be supporting the project by reviewing some of my
routes along the way.
I think hospitality is one of the best things about
humanity, the opening of a heart and a home, and have experienced it in
beautiful and sometimes surprising ways around the world, as well as offering
what I can to others. Each night on my journey North I'll be staying with
friends, or friends of friends, or sometimes strangers (thanks to my mum asking
local churches if someone can host me) and I'm so grateful in advance for the
warmth, bed, food, shower and conversations at the end of each day.
Another thing that I wanted to do on my walk was
create spaces for people to come together to share stories and memories of
friends who have died, and for these friends to be held by everyone as a
witness to their lives, honouring and remembering them. In doing this we can
acknowledge the importance of friendship and celebrate it through tears and
laughter, understanding and love. I realised when Ro died there weren't many
spaces specifically for friend bereavement and I do believe there is a place
for it, and am grateful to those who are creating these spaces and allowing
possibilities of connection. I'll be holding these spaces in Brighton, London, Leicester, Sheffield, Leeds and Bradford, it is an open invitation so please come along if you would like to. I'll share the details in my next post.
It has taken a huge amount of emotional energy to
actually plan this walk, I would get lost in the detail but then have to stop
when I remembered why I am doing this, the pain of my best friend being dead is
always present.
I've never written a diary or kept a journal but I
am hoping to write something each day here. My journey begins in Brighton
on 8th November and I'll arrive at my destination Bradford on 30th November. I
couldn't have even got to this point without all the love, support and
encouragement from family and friends, I'm more grateful than I can express in
words. Thank you for joining me on my walk home, remembering Ro. I
miss Ro so much, every day, but I know that I'm walking with him (and he's also
with me when I'm drinking coffee and eating cake!)
Love Nina X
